January 1st… a shiny New Year filled with promise, hope and excitement…endless posts from colleagues and friends about how excited they are to make 2022 the BEST year ever…YAY!!! RAH!!!! WOOHOO!!! So why do I feel so tired and scared?
2021 was a groundbreaking year for me career wise. I hit goals that I didn’t even know I had. I built a “HOUSE” literally one brick at a time, client by client, job by job, with hard work and perseverance, late nights, early mornings, crazy sessions and so many interesting clients and jobs from all over the world. When I reached December 31st, I had built a shiny amazing house made up of sweat and tears …a house I was proud of…and then POOF, January 1st comes and my house has been sold and I have a flat piece of land to build a new house on, a blank spreadsheet to fill.
Now, if you have read any of my blog posts, you know I ADORE analogies, and if you know me personally, you also know that in 1999 I lost everything to a fire in the middle of the night. It was a total loss and we had to start all over with absolutely nothing except a toothbrush from the Red Cross – so this HOUSE analogy is not lost on me and I know personally that starting over can be hard.
What is wrong with me??? I should feel like everyone else, embracing the challenge, promising to slay 2022 and accomplish all my giant shiny goals…so why do I feel overwhelmed? I LOVE what I do…I eat sleep and dream Voice Over. The first week of January started off slow and I felt the weight of this daunting task of building my new house…this house must be bigger and better than last years’ house. How can I build something even better? What does that even look like? I could feel the anxiety rise in my chest. What if I can’t build a bigger and better house, what if I fall short? The self-doubt and fear set in and shut me down.
You see, I believe in FEELING my feelings and acknowledging them, even if they don’t make sense, or if they seem counter intuitive. After calming myself down, praying and having an honest talk with my husband…I decided to stare down this new empty lot of land and try to make peace with it. I decided NOT to get in my car and drive away and throw in the towel. The truth is that while it IS a challenge, I am not REALLY building a house from scratch…. I have years of experience. I have built a house before, many of them, each unique and special in their own way. I already know what materials to use and the best way to lay tile and put-up sheetrock. I know many of the contractors by name. There will be new contractors who will bring new dimensions to my house…maybe a room in Audio Description or Animation…maybe a sunroom that will include a great Agent, maybe a quaint fireplace that could hold another Emmy (Hey, It COULD happen). Maybe I will meet a new friend or two to have coffee and conversation in my cozy breakfast nook. I have NO IDEA what the house I build in 2022 will look like, and while that is a little scary…it is also EXCITING.
As I stood there looking at this empty lot, the sun began to rise over the land and warm my face. I felt so much gratitude that I GET to build another house, no matter what it will become….and after taking a few moments to soak in the view, I decided it was time to roll up my sleeves and GET TO WORK.
